When the storms of life hit,,,,,,

they usually take you by surpirse, for the most part. It is kind of like a storm on the prairies,, you can see it far away, but you don't really worry about it. You go about your daily tasks and forget all about it. Then when you least expect it the storm hits! The wind whips up, the leaves of life are swirling up and you are not sure where they are going to land. That is how I have been feeling this past month. We have been in the middle of the wind. Everything we thought was in place was picked up,

HE never promised Rebuilding the Ancient Ruins would be easy.

What I feel like I am going through these past few days is another renovation of the heart. This one really hurts! It hurts because I am not the only one who is hurting, now my son is involved. I laid in my bed last night and just wept. I wept for my son, for the struggles he is going through and may continue to go through. I wept for myself, cause I had to accept that there was something going on in his little heart that my love alone could not fix. I wept for his father, who does not understand why his son makes the choices he makes. The tears are still there, just under the surface. I feel like I am grieving a dream, a reality,,,

So now what,,,,

When one little duck falls.......

Well, just when I felt I had all my ducks lining up so nicely, one fell out of line. My poor little duck was suspended from school yesterday. As I struggle through all the emotions of being the mom of a child who got suspended, one that stands out above the others is an intense sense of failure. I understand why my little duck was suspended and I am trying to be supportive of the schools decision. I also try not to feel to sorry for my little duck, after all it was as a result of choices he made. I want to resist the desire to grab my little duck and tuck him back under my wing. I want to run away with him and keep him happy, safe and comfortable.

But,,,,,

An interesting thing happened today….

I had a cousin contact me who I never knew existed till this day. I have had several experiences like that in the last 6 months. This one is special though. There is a possibility that we could meet.

So it makes me think,,

I have this friend.....

I remeber when I was younger having some moments of belly laughing with my sisters, but always a peice of me longing for that friend. You know, that special friend that knows you, loves you and makes you laugh no matter how crappy life got. It took me many years to find one like that. Actually it is because of my daughter that I met her. She is..

I have loved you with a perfect love!

There are so many ways in which love is portrayed in this world. Love of family and friends is an obvious one and also very acceptable,  right and for most us easily acheived.

But what if love is not so freely given, with no strings? What if the love offered has strings attatched to it?

A new day is dawning?

Yup, a new day is dawning. Much the same as yesterday, but today I have already rotated two loads of laundry, kids have had breakfast, showers and a few arguments all to get ready for school. So now, here I sit with my cold coffee (yuck) waiting for some divine inspiration to write something amazing and spiritual and all I can think of is the many things I still need to do today. I can hear my older children getting ready for school, I have 5 more loads of laundry to do, the grocery store is beckoning to me, the house needs a good cleaning (mom-clean is what we refer to a good cleaning) and I am still in my PJs with no desire to get out of them.

Then my mind goes to the things I could be doing,,,

Random ramblings

In my excitement to get started I put my intro in the wrong 'spot', so here I am editing it so it can be just so. At times I do think I may,, kinda sorta have some organizational issues,,, working on that one. That is a whole new blog for another day. So getting back to what I was hoping to write about in the first place.

What does the title mean to me, 'Rebuilding the Ancient Ruins.' It is actuall a long story of exactly that. This is a journey I have been on for 15 years, almost half of my life. The ruins I come from are deep and painful. Fear being the root and from it pain, hurt, rejection, shame, and so much more was birthed. What does a young girl of 16 do with all that?